here's to you.

you make me wish sarah didnt change seat that day so that i wouldnt have talked to you. you make me wish i hadnt been in the same school with you at all so that i wouldnt know you. but now that i do, you make me wish i were an evil bitch so that i wouldnt give a damn about you.

but i just wanna know something. why? why did you do this? because even after four years of friendship and believing that i do know you well enough, i just cant figure out why.. was it lack of attention from your family? lack of attention from your friends? was it peer pressure? was it bad influence? was it stress? or were they just bad choices? just honest mistakes, one after another? did you not know better? were you not taught better? maybe were you forced to do it? and you hate this as much as i do?

or you dont? did you like it? was it really just for fun? and that you DO know better? is this what you call experience? are you just fooling around? trying things out? did you know it was wrong but just didnt care? did you know the consequences but just didnt care? did you think you can just get away with it? do you think He'll just forgive your sins? did you think noone will be affected by your impulsive decisions? did you honestly think noone will get hurt? or does it not matter as long as YOU'RE not the one who gets hurt? did you not consider you parents' feelings? your family? your friends? YOUR FRIEND.

now do you regret telling me everything? do you think im just making a big fuss out of it? that im not FUN like you? are you gonna tell me its just something i'll never understand until it happens to me? are you gonna tell me it may look really really bad but its only because i don't know the other side of the story? are you gonna tell me i just wont get it? that its complicated but you know what you're doing? that you're not stupid and that you're careful enough to not let anyone hurt you? that you're a big girl now and you can take care of yourself? that you DO know your limits? then when i tell you you're wrong, are you gonna tell me that i should mind my own business? that its your life so you're free to do whatever you want? that you really just do know what you're doing?

because i need to know. you owe me that much.

if this is what it means to supposedly be thin and beautiful, i dont mind staying how i am now.

but if you really think you're not wrong, and you dont care what i think or WHAT IS RIGHT.. then so be it. i tried. i just pray that He will forgive you and show you the right path.. insyaAllah..